Thoughts on Growing Up Too Fast

Saturday, November 8, 2008

So, today I looked at James and said, "What happened to the little baby we brought home? And where did this big kid come from?" Seriously, such a weird concept if you think about it. Bethany was just this sweet little lump one day, and then all of a sudden time passes and WHAM! She's a kid that runs around at top speed and says things like, "More crackers, please." When did it all happen? And really, when did it all happen for any of us?

You see, I still feel like I'm 20 years old. I am not under some delusion that I've stopped aging at age 20; I do realize that the calendar (and other indicators I won't bring up) says I'm 34. But honestly, when I was younger I thought that when I was 34 I'd feel 34. I'd feel older, more mature and very wise. I'd be a wife and a mother and a tax payer and I'd pretty much know the answer to any question. (My mom did, didn't she?) In short: I'd feel like a "grown up." And you know what? It's different than I thought. My spirit still feels 20--although a trip to the McDonald's play land with my daughter yesterday did finally convince me that my body is not 20 anymore! (Crawling through those tubes was just a wee bit more tiring than it used to be.) Does anyone else feel that way? Like your spirit says, "Wait, I'm young and vibrant and on the threshold of life! I'm in college and I'm spunky and cute and I can stay up until 3:00 and still have energy for my 7:30 class!" And then, of course, your body says, "No way Jose. Take a nap, you big dreamer."

Am I going to look at myself in the mirror in the rest home someday when I'm 92 1/2 and think, "Now, who's that old lady and why is she staring at me?" And as they cart me down the hall to the cafeteria, will I yell at the nurse who's wheeling my chair, screaming "No--wait! You don't understand! I'm 20! I'm your age! Let's paint our nails and talk about boys! I'm 20, I sweeeaaarrr!!!!???" And they'll pat my arm and give me something to sedate me, I'm sure. But I digress yet again. I want to brag about Bethany, not treat you to the rantings of a middle-aged woman with a forever young spirit.

Bethany's vocabulary is ever expanding! My favorite words she's learned this week are, "love you" (I can't get enough of that one), "strawberry", "lap" and "okay." Her "okay" just cracks me up. It used to be that she'd come to me and say, "Wa-wa!" And I'd say, "You want water?" and she'd nod and say, "Please." Then I'd say, "Okay" and go and get her some. Now, it's like this: "Wa-wa?" "You want water?" And then she says, "Okay!" and runs off. She just gets cuter every day! Hey, that's what's really happening to all of us! We're not just getting older, we're all getting cuter every day! I like that. My 92 1/2 self will be a total babe, I know it. (I can't wait to see James as a great-grandpa with that "wrinkly twinkly smile," the hottie!)



On to other subjects. It was nice to see the sunshine today! All week, the weather has just been blah, blah, dreary blah blah. And today the sun shone, happy day! James, Bethany, Panda and I went on a walk and hit two parks so Bethany could "Lide! Lide!" And "lide" she did! We had so much fun. Well, this post has been all over the map, but such my thought processes are when it's getting late and I'm tired. (10:00 p.m. would have been early when I was 20! And here I am, just ready to crash! Of course, I wasn't chasing a toddler back then, so cut me a little slack, please.) And the more tired I become, the more "philosophical" I become so I'd better take these weird little thoughts of mine and hit the hay! Bye!